Adoption?

Within the last, say, two weeks, I've had no less than three of my adult friends ask me in a sidelong "hint hint" kind of way about adoption. In all three cases I kind of deflected the question and changed the subject. Because of the sudden interest, I guess I ought to write a bit about my feelings on adoption.

For those of you unfamiliar (listen to me talk, like I've got a huge readership), one of the things many kid avs in SL do is participate in family groups, having others as parents or siblings. These families form sometimes by themselves; other times, adults can go to SL adoption agencies, where they can view profiles of kids (and vice-versa sometimes). The profiles tell the potential parent or child what the candidate family member's interests and expectations are. For a fee, the adoption agency will then coordinate a meeting between the adults and kids to see if they're compatible. Some families are families in only the most technical sense, treating each other more as friends than relatives. Others, I'm told, role-play family life in very detailed ways.

When I first got into SL as a kid, I checked out all the kid-related stuff there is to do; that included the whole adoption business. I asked around and looked around. I found the whole thing a bit fascinating. I began to think about what it would be like to have a SL parent...a place to live and rez stuff, someone guaranteed to talk to me and hang out when things got boring. As over time I've done kind of good for myself - I've got a house and stuff, and I've got enough friends that there's always one or two on when I am - the appeal of having a family sort of waned. What remained were the disadvantages - parents are parents, after all. Should I give up my urchin life so some adults could impose a bedtime, and make me comb my hair (or - black horror - even CUT it maybe), make me take baths and change clothes once in a while, make me eat vegetables, make me go to SCHOOL....?

OK, so I'm being hyperbolic. Lots of that stuff has no meaning within the context of SL But I've been told by people whose opinions I trust that sometimes SL parents can be a drag. Being willing to call somebody in SL "mom" or "dad" is not something I think I would be capable of when dealing with someone I've only known for a week. So, for me at least, an adoption agency is out of the question.

That leaves friends. One of my kid friends, Soki, belongs to a family that just sort of gravitated together. Her, and her parents and brothers, were all friends to begin with, which makes having to put up with each other that much easier I guess. I suppose if I were to ever get adopted, it would have to be by someone I'm really good friends with.

But, that's exactly the problem. There's a couple of adults in SL I consider REALLY good friends, and I've tried to imagine myself calling them "mom" or "dad" - and it just doesn't work. They're too much my friends; the title "Mom" really redefines a relationship - to me, at least. It implies a heirarchy, a situation of a superior and a subordinate. Friends are equal. I like that.

If I think on it, it occurs to me that brothers and sisters are also "equal", in a sense. I suppose I wouldn't mind picking up some siblings. But parents? I think I'll hold off.

But for those of you who were kind of asking me about adoption - I sorta blew it off and I'm sorry about that. I don't want you to feel bad because I'm not interested - it doesn't mean in any way that I don't like you, or that I like you less than someone else. I've just been seduced by the urchin life. The long and short of it is, you're too COOL to be my parents.